This is how far away from me my husband is at the moment. He’s in Denmark, getting his Master’s; I’m in Missouri bouncing between the hospital and my mom’s house while trying to work.
I’m writing this to both answer frequently asked questions and set the record straight about our living arrangements. Some people, I have learned, just assume things about our situation that are not true but they don’t want to ask me. On the other hand, a few people who have asked me asked questions that even I wasn’t entirely comfortable with and for me to not be comfortable it has to be one hell of a personal question.
So here what’s going on:
The plan was for us to go to his homeland together so he could take advantage of the free education they offer their citizens. Then I got sick and everything went to hell.
He’s been gone since late September. His thesis is due mid to late May, so he will be coming back to the States sometime after that. Depending on a few factors, mostly my health, we will be moving somewhere sometime this summer.
(And no, I don’t know where. It will be where he finds a job, since my job can go anywhere.)
People keep telling me how hard this must be for us, how well I’m handling it and, my favorite, how unselfish I am that I “let him leave.” I didn’t let him leave, I’m not his keeper or warden and he’s not mine. To us, married doesn’t mean joined at the hip. We made a joint decision that this was the best option for our current situation and our future plans.
Yes, it’s been hard being so far apart, especially with the crapstorm from this past month or so.
Do we like it? Nope.
Is it worth it? Absolutely without a doubt YES.
This is not our first time living on two different continents, but its the first time really since we’ve been married (the first time was a few weeks this summer but it wasn’t long enough for me to consider it an actual “separation”.) Over the years of our dating and engagement, we were frequently apart and we made it work. Yep, there were times that we both wanted to throw in the towel, but we stuck it out because, at the end of the day, we love each other too much to let each other go.
Corny? Hell yes. But true.
I love him because he makes me laugh.
He made an effort to get to know my friends and there are some he talks more than I do. The one he’s closest to is my friend Ashley, his fellow extreme Red Sox enthusiast.
This was at our engagement party in the summer of 2010. The guy who is marked out is Ashley’s ex. I don’t have alot to say about him, but I will say guys like him remind me why I love my husband.
This is from the brunch we had two days after our wedding.
He also is good and friendly with my family, which means alot to me because my family is both complicated and rather extended. He’s made an effort to get to know as many as he can, although he did give up trying to learn my family tree when he realized all in all, there’s like ten people I consider my grandparents and I biologically only have two first cousins, but I say I have about 40 or so because I count my step and common law relatives as family just as much as I do my blood relatives. I drew him a family tree once. You should have seen his face, it was priceless.
This one is from our joint bachelor-bachelorette party a week before the wedding with some family and friends. It was such a fun night and we ended up at Denny’s… I think we’ll do another night like this sometime this summer.
He’s one of the most supportive people in my life when it comes to what I do for a living. When I told him I decided I wasn’t going to write for newspapers as a staff member anymore and that I would be going the freelance-contracting route (which is one of those feast or famine kind of jobs where I can make zilch one month but have a windfall next month), he didn’t blink an eye. He asked thoughtful questions, let me bounce ideas off of him and tells me he’s proud of me often. Even though we will have to move wherever he gets a job, he’s insistent that wherever we end up has plenty of work (professional memberships and networking opportunities, mostly) for me. He wants me to succeed just as much as I want him to.
Because he has VACTERL as well, he can relate to most of what I go through in regards to everything. When I was so sick last year, he slept by my bedside when he was able, plus he updated my family and a few friends multiple times a day. I didn’t even have to ask – he just did it. He accepts my limitations and loves me in spite of them; things that I always thought would be a dealbreaker with most guys doesn’t bother him at all.
We’re very excited for our impending reunion, but we are handling being apart quite well because we know this is the absolute best things for us and the payoff is worth the sacrifices.
Plus, living apart means he can eat all the chocolate and shellfish he wants (I hate the smell of chocolate and I am allergic to shellfish, so when he eats either one I won’t even kiss him) and I can sleep in the middle of the bed with the tv on (which he hates). Okay, so there might be a silver lining in this after all.